hmmmm...

so that is kind of my mind these past few days.  kind of just hmmmm..... not so sure.  Been thinking a lot about last year this time.  All the uncertainty and unease with what the near future held.  This day last year Emma was having all her pre-surgical testing - boy what a day that was.  I am so very thankful that she will have no memory of all that her little body has been thru. The only way she will know is by the stories she will be told. So any pain she felt she will not remember and for that I am so grateful.  The whole experience for me has been life changing.  I for some reason have had a hard time letting it go.  I think I am sometimes stuck in the mindset of being worried all the time.   I DO know that she is a perfectly healthy little girl.  I think on some level I may be missing the
"normal".or what I thought normal was. And when I write it or think it or say it I realize how stupid that is.  Normal is what you make it.  I mean really if you knew how every day was going to play out or the outcome of it all, what would be the point??? So the things in life that throw a wrench in your day or totally change how you thought they would go are sometimes the best things in life!!! I have decided I am going to try to live more in the moment and let the rest of it go. I look into sweet Emma's eyes and nothing else really matters.  She was born with a CHD, she had open heart surgery at 3 months old and almost 12 months later she is a picture of health.  It's been quiet a journey and it has only just begun.  This has been more of a rambling than anything else but...the one thing I am certain of is that i love my little girl and would not change a thing about her.  I was chosen to be her mom and I will be forever grateful.