Ramblings :)

So time does fly!! Life goes on with or without us it seems.  I mean I always knew that but... I am not really sure what I am trying to get at or what I actually mean. I have found that when I look back, things seem much better than they felt at the actual time.  If that makes any sense.  Since Emma all things are different.  Things that used to matter and take up so much of my life, mean little or nothing anymore. My priorities have changed which is good but I feel I have lost a part of me.  I am Emma's mom and some days that is all I am. Seems Melissa has been put on a shelf until a later date.  But what happens when that day comes?  I am trying to find my way back to me!  Remember the things that I enjoy.  Because doing what I enjoy and taking time for me makes me a better mom, wife, and friend.  It is a rough balance because there is the all famous mom guilt. 

Ok so I am done whining ~ I am back to writing this blog because it is a place to put my thoughts.  It is a place to share.  And a place for me to return to and remember the little things :)

Hope you will take the journey with me!

hmmmm...

so that is kind of my mind these past few days.  kind of just hmmmm..... not so sure.  Been thinking a lot about last year this time.  All the uncertainty and unease with what the near future held.  This day last year Emma was having all her pre-surgical testing - boy what a day that was.  I am so very thankful that she will have no memory of all that her little body has been thru. The only way she will know is by the stories she will be told. So any pain she felt she will not remember and for that I am so grateful.  The whole experience for me has been life changing.  I for some reason have had a hard time letting it go.  I think I am sometimes stuck in the mindset of being worried all the time.   I DO know that she is a perfectly healthy little girl.  I think on some level I may be missing the
"normal".or what I thought normal was. And when I write it or think it or say it I realize how stupid that is.  Normal is what you make it.  I mean really if you knew how every day was going to play out or the outcome of it all, what would be the point??? So the things in life that throw a wrench in your day or totally change how you thought they would go are sometimes the best things in life!!! I have decided I am going to try to live more in the moment and let the rest of it go. I look into sweet Emma's eyes and nothing else really matters.  She was born with a CHD, she had open heart surgery at 3 months old and almost 12 months later she is a picture of health.  It's been quiet a journey and it has only just begun.  This has been more of a rambling than anything else but...the one thing I am certain of is that i love my little girl and would not change a thing about her.  I was chosen to be her mom and I will be forever grateful.