Emma's REbirthday!!

One year ago today a miracle happened.  My sweet baby girl had her heart stopped and repaired by a brilliant surgeon - Dr Parnell at Schneider's Children's Hospital. That amazing surgeon also restarted her heart.  So today we celebrate Emma's REbirth.  Today was a normal day that ended with a cake in her honor.  Normal was just how I wanted it to be.  December 15th last year was anything but normal and from now on December 15th will be nothing but normal.  Happy REbirthday my sweet!!! Mommy loves you! xo

40

WOW!!! Friday will be the end of my 30's.  Seems so surreal to think I will be 40.  My gosh 40 always seemed soooooo very old.  All my friends have turned 40 and none of them are old.  I still feel 18 with a few wrinkles and dings here and there but 40 wow.  I know it is just a number and I am always told I do not look my age but it is still a bit tough to wrap my mind around.  4o used to signify middle age - which i guess it still kind of does but people are living much longer these days so...

So let's see my 30's were pretty great.  I bought my house, brought home my Casey boy, ended a really bad(understatement) relationship, met my husband, got married, and became a mommy(which is by far the greatest thing I have ever done).  It is amazing how much can change in 10 years.  In all reality it is not a very long time.  When I look back at my life I try to have no regrets.  All things that have happened and all people that have been in my life, however long or short, have taught me something.  The sum of all my experiences have made me who I am and have brought me to today.  

With all that being said 40 is not so scary.  They say life gets better with age.  So I embrace my 40's and if they are half as good as my 30's it will be a really great decade.  

hmmmm...

so that is kind of my mind these past few days.  kind of just hmmmm..... not so sure.  Been thinking a lot about last year this time.  All the uncertainty and unease with what the near future held.  This day last year Emma was having all her pre-surgical testing - boy what a day that was.  I am so very thankful that she will have no memory of all that her little body has been thru. The only way she will know is by the stories she will be told. So any pain she felt she will not remember and for that I am so grateful.  The whole experience for me has been life changing.  I for some reason have had a hard time letting it go.  I think I am sometimes stuck in the mindset of being worried all the time.   I DO know that she is a perfectly healthy little girl.  I think on some level I may be missing the
"normal".or what I thought normal was. And when I write it or think it or say it I realize how stupid that is.  Normal is what you make it.  I mean really if you knew how every day was going to play out or the outcome of it all, what would be the point??? So the things in life that throw a wrench in your day or totally change how you thought they would go are sometimes the best things in life!!! I have decided I am going to try to live more in the moment and let the rest of it go. I look into sweet Emma's eyes and nothing else really matters.  She was born with a CHD, she had open heart surgery at 3 months old and almost 12 months later she is a picture of health.  It's been quiet a journey and it has only just begun.  This has been more of a rambling than anything else but...the one thing I am certain of is that i love my little girl and would not change a thing about her.  I was chosen to be her mom and I will be forever grateful.